It was the half-eaten pizza that did it.

You ask her what’s wrong and she merely blankly looks at you and smiles thereafter. Normally, she’d chat away just like that slice of pizza to be entirely devoured. It worries you more and you ask again.

She hesitates, opens her mouth to talk but no words come out. She closes her mouth, sighs and simply looks away.

Knowing her, you wait. Patiently. 

You resume to eating your pizza and tries to forget. Or rather not think about it for the meantime. But you know it’s bugging you and the feeling of uneasiness will stay at the pit of your stomach and it will take a while before it decides to go away.

You regard her at the corner of your eyes. You know she knows and she doesn’t care or maybe, just maybe she’s too caught up with her thoughts that she doesn’t notice. 

Unconsciously, your chewing slows down and you almost forget to swallow when suddenly, her doe-like eyes found your chocolate ones. For a moment you think you see something flash in her eyes but it is too brief that you quickly disregard it.

She gives you that smile for the second time that night.

It doesn’t reach her eyes, you note. 

Your hands found hers briefly and your fingers curls around hers. She gives you a slight squeeze in return and as if on cue, you release a breath you didn’t know you were holding.

She says she’s tired and you were quick to follow. You pay the bill, get up and together, hand in hand you make your way out.

3 days later she gives you a call. 

She says she wants to talk to you and gives you the time and place. You note it is the same pizza parlor from 3 days ago.

The uneasiness resurfaced yet you are not surprised. You know it never went on a holiday for the last three days. Nevertheless you offer to fetch her at work and she declines. 

The uneasiness turns to dread and you fight to keep it under control. 

You succeed. She hangs up.

                                                             o0o

“You’ve loved me for quite some time now.” She says, suddenly breaking the silence you both were engulfed in. 

You look at her but she is looking outside the window and this prevents her from seeing the confusion in your eyes.

Belatedly, you went over her words in your head and your eyes widen in realization. 

She knows. She knew.

“You don’t have to force yourself into loving me anymore.” She says, breaking in to your thoughts, her gaze intently on you.

This time, it’s your turn to look outside. She mimics you and you silently thank her for her offered silence.

Now you understand.

The brief conversations, the lack of life in her yes, the half-eaten pizza, that smile.

The smile that says it all.

You don’t have to pretend anymore. I already know.

That was what that smile meant and you were pretty stupid not to catch up on it.

When did she know?

“It was a little over a month ago,” she starts, answering your unvoiced question. You look at her and find her eyes glistening with unshed tears.

You feel wretched.

“It was when you told me you loved me and I realized it wasn’t me you were seeing.” Her voice cracked and you feel even worse. Yet she continues,

“I thought I was just being paranoid and laughed it off, thinking that even if it were true, it will come to pass.”

You thought so too.

“But it didn’t.” She took in a deep breath and for a second you thought she’d cry.

She didn’t. And her eyes continued to glisten.

“I’m selfish.” She admits. “But I’m not stupid.”

Yes. And you are a coward, you tell yourself.

She smiles at you albeit sadly and this time, this time it reaches her eyes.

You feel like shouting; spout of promises of love and of never hurting her again.

But you couldn’t. You wouldn’t.

She knows you better than you do and you feel like crying.

For her. For you. For the many times over she shed tears for you, because of you—- except now.

Except now when you could practically hear her heart break into a million little pieces.

Except now when she has all the right reasons to bawl her eyes out.

Except now when she’s sad and hurt and vulnerable——

All because of you. And yet…

.. her eyes continue to glisten.

Just glisten with tears unshed.

The overwhelming urge to tell her you love her seized you when she catches up to you.

“I lo—— ,” you start.

“You did.” She cuts off.

You can only look at her helplessly knowing it’s true. Knowing she’s right.

“I did too.” She says. You look at her, surprised with her choice of words.

“And I still do.”

She stands up, offers you a kind smile and walks out of the parlor and out of your life.

fin.